Baby Mamas: The Underground Economy Part III — Watch Your Step

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As promised this is Part III of “Baby Mamas: The Underground Economy – Financed by Professional Athletes.”  It’s important that the men and women involved in this cycle of brokenness accept the fact that no one wins in these situations and make a conscious effort to curtail their behavior. The majority of these young men are in their 20’s with little or no life skills on how to be a parent or a partner in a relationship.  The ages of the women can vary.  For instance, Evelyn Lazado is “39” and recently gave birth to a baby boy with Carl Crawford, a 33 year old baseball player.  She lived with Antoine Walker, a basketball player, for a number of years and was briefly married to Chad Johnson, a football player.  She did not have a child with either athlete.  However, she meets Carl Crawford and a baby is born.  In case you’re wondering, Antoine Walker and Chad Johnson had more than one baby mama when they met her.  I will say this, it was wise of her not to have children with either one of these men because it has been rumored that both of them are serial cheaters and abusive.  If the rumor is true, why did she stay with them? Okay, she left Chad Johnson after the head butting incident but he made it clear before they got married that he did not think he could be faithful. Was it an oops with Carl Crawford?  There are no oops when you’re over 18 and dam near 40!!!!  However, it could have been a planned pregnancy, wink, wink.

Most recently, 21 year old La’el Collins, former LSU offensive lineman was interviewed by police recently about the shooting death of his 29-year-old, 8 months pregnant ex-girlfriend in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  He was expected to go high in the 2015 draft but after this incident his value dropped significantly and he was not drafted.  DNA results have confirmed that he is not the father of the child.  Unfortunately, the baby died.  The murder of this woman leaves a child from a prior relationship without a mother and a family grieving for the loss of their daughter.  My prayer is that this young man is not involved in this horrific crime.  Not another Rae Carruth, please.  As a reminder, murder is not an option for birth control.

I can write all day about how these men should wear condoms and they should.  More importantly they need to be educated on how to spot a woman that is setting a trap for him.  We know that men are visual so it’s rare that thinking comes into play when they are attracted to a woman he’s interested in dating and having sex with.  If they’re only going out for a one night stand, fine whatever blows your skirt up but they have to think about the consequences of bringing an unwanted child into the world.  Men have to learn to control themselves and the women need to have higher standards and not have children because they don’t want to work.

In order to curtail this behavior, one option that should be considered by the government is taxing child support payments over $5,000 per month.   The men should be financially responsible for supporting the children they help create but these women should not reap all of the benefits.  There are two parent households that make a lot less than some of the child support payments professional athletes are required to pay.  If a woman is receiving $7,000 a month in child support payments she is clearing $84,000 a year and we know most of it is not going towards the care of the child.

Here are some tips for spotting women that are planning to become a “baby mama”: 

  1. If you see the same woman all the time at your sporting events and she’s practically hanging out in the locker room, don’t stop unless you plan to wear a condom and take it with you.
  2. If you go out on a date and she invites you in and strips, make an excuse and vacate the premises as expeditiously as possible. I know that might be difficult but be smart if you have no self control.
  3. During your conversation over dinner, if all she does is complain about her job, red flag. Drop her off at home and never call again.
  4. If she is “in between” jobs or does not have one, tread lightly and slowly.
  5. If her job is minimum wage and she’s wearing designer clothing, lives at home and has no education, think twice before jumping into that.
  6. Ask the woman what her long terms goals are.   If she does not have any or if they are lofty and unrealistic, this is probably someone you want to avoid.
  7. If the woman has a child, find out where the father is and if she says, he left when she got pregnant, explore why and remember there are always two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth.
  8. If the woman already has children by an athlete and has not worked in years, not a good fit so keep moving.
  9. If a woman tells you she’s on the pill or another form of birth control, err on the side of caution and wear a condom.

If you encounter a woman with any of above qualities, run fast.  Flee, Flee, Flee!!!

Young men, you need to learn to look beyond the physical and engage in intelligent conversations with women you are interested in dating.  There are warning signs and you must adhere to them in order to avoid the pitfalls.  That said, I also understand that some of you don’t have the point of reference or knowledge necessary to recognize the warning signs.  My advice to you is to get a mentor but a good mentor not someone that is your equal.  You may also want to consider therapy to work out your issues with women and relationships.

I understand that men are physical creatures and your brain has the tendency to work differently but you need to train your brain (both sectors of it) to think a little more and not react so carelessly.  Your careless behavior will bring you a result that you are not ready for nor or you equipped to handle.

My dear women, I understand that you want a family but at what cost? Don’t sacrifice your dignity or body for money.  If you find yourself in a situation with a professional athlete you need to be careful as well.  Some of these men can be very charming and give the appearance of wanting to be in a monogamous relationship but that is the farthest thing from their mind and they don’t mind lying to get what they want.  You have too much to offer to allow yourselves to be controlled by a man and his money.  Focus on educating yourself and earning your own money because sooner or later you will have to pay the piper and his fees are VERY expensive.  The piper comes for your self-respect, dignity, self-esteem and sometimes your soul, he wants it all.  Be very careful when setting traps for men because there is truth in the saying “oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

For the women not trying to deceive, here are some tips to help you avoid the pitfalls of dating Professional Athletes:

  1. Ask him how many children he has and if he supports all of them. If he has more than one, remove yourself from the conversation. You don’t ever want to be “baby mama” number two and so on, unless he was previously married and all of the children are from his marriage.
  2. Ask him how many times he’s been married, if it’s more than once “watch your step.”  As my mother would say, “all of those women were not bad, there is something wrong with him.”
  3.  Ask him if he knows all of his children and if they reside in the same state. If he has a rainbow of children, don’t give him your number.
  4.  Checkout his pedigree. If he is from a broken home and his father or mother have different baby mamas and baby daddies, Flee, Flee, Flee!!!! I know it’s a woman’s nature to nurture but a leopard never changes its spots and people are a product of their environment.
  5.  Please don’t give it up so quickly. If you say no and he does not call you back consider yourself lucky and you dodged a bullet.
  6.  Keep in mind that self-respect is based on what you do and self-esteem is based on what you think about yourself and the two are not the same. In that sense, pay very careful attention to how the man speaks and acts with you. If he disrespects you in words and actions, don’t accept another phone call from him and if he shows up at you home unannounced don’t answer the door.
  7. If he stops answering your calls or responding to your text messages, consider it a blessing and move on.
  8. If he lives in a different state he is geographical undesirable so don’t waste your time, unless he really proves to you that you’re the one and that means marriage, not living together.
  9. If he tells you that he’s married to the game, believe him and keep moving because he is not going to change.  Example, Derek Jeter made it very clear to every woman he spent time with that he was married to the game and was not interested in anything long term. I must say, he is one of smart ones because he did not end up with any baby mamas. However, he’s 40 and dating a 24 year old. Shaking my head.

Ladies just remember you have a lot to offer so don’t sell yourself short.  What’s for you is for you and nothing will change that.  If you have to wait for the right man, wait because you win in the long run.